Ah, winter is over. Thank the Lord above. I hate that season. Too many reminders of all the old garbage that has been ran through my life, and it’s just so cold. It’s a season that reeks of loneliness and death, so I’m glad to be done with it. At the same time, Winter is also a season where I bottle up all the excess frustration and emotion, and at some point I need to let the top fly off so I can vent.
Since this is that time, I figured I would actually write about it this year, as opposed to going on some sort of game playing binge or anything else that would be a complete and total waste of my time.
Despite the fact that I’ll exclaim certain emotions whenever I’m on Twitter or somesuch, I’m not really an emotional person. Reason being, I have no idea what to do with my emotions. I didn’t have parents that knew how to deal with theirs, so I didn’t have a teacher. To be frank, my mother was a lazy dunce who never learned how to deal with her own problems, and my father is a hard-nosed stubborn guy like I am, so dealing with feelings was never on the agenda.
So, I learned how logic works, and essentially became the most annoying human being on earth to people who run their lives via emotion. I don’t like feelings, and really just like to figure things out rather than run on gut instinct. It’s quite a bit safer, but on top of that keeps me from putting myself into a situation that’s just going to mess me up. Yeah, I’m going to drive “fun loving” types batty, but I don’t really care.
But I still don’t know how to handle emotions. The biggest one I have problems with is anger/rage. Oddly enough, the reason it’s the hardest to handle is because it’s the one that I encounter the most. Certain emotional types have a fantastic way of just rubbing me the wrong way. Mostly because (if I may have a Dexter’s Lab moment here) they’re being STUPID!
For those who don’t know, my day job is that of a hotel clerk. Specifically, the third shift clerk. Thus, whenever there is a group of people having a good time at the expense of my place of work, I’ve got to play enforcer and make sure that a)the people who actually sleep aren’t being disturbed and b) their “fun” isn’t messing with any of the public fire codes or hotel rules. You know, the ones that they agreed to when they signed the registration form when they checked in?
People aren’t really smart, though. A person? Yeah. A person can be smart. People in groups are a bunch of dumb lemmings, says the cynic. Because they’re dumb and don’t think, they never have a positive reaction to someone with any form of authority. Thus, they chew me out, threaten to file complaints with my manager, threaten to beat me up, etc. Thus, my night gets ruined because of scumbaggery.
Oddly enough, this used to be the one emotion that would have a really bad reaction. I remember a day when pissing me off would see someone thrown ten feet in the other direction. So, I guess that’s improvement?
I think the only solution I’ve really come to when it comes to any anger I feel is simply not to go and get trapped by it. There are points when I’m angry where I’ll make the mistake of feeding it by going from one thing that pisses me off to another, as opposed to walking away from the situation all together. Quite frankly, it’s smarter to walk away and let someone else blow as opposed to blowing up yourself.
There are certain things that can trap you in anger, such as other emotions along the lines of depression and loneliness, but I can talk about those some other time. As it stands, this little blog post of mine has helped quite a bit, and I feel better. Though I’ll let out most of my energy in the gym some time, this has been a nice little exercise unto its own.
So, next time I’ll talk a bit more about another sucky emotion. Now just to pick one. There’s so many!